Indirect Lessons On Patience
“I can’t teach him!” said my father.
He was right; he couldn’t. I didn’t meet a single person that could until I found the man in the mirror.
“When the student is ready, the teacher appears, and when the teacher is ready, the student appears.”
After a culmination of successes, victories, failures, pitfalls, and a whole lot of “No’s,” I found a bit of a “Success Formula.” It took another 20 years for me to realize it, though.
Patience is something my dad did not have. He honestly tried to teach me. He showed me how to put my glove out front. He told me to squeeze and catch the ball when it landed in my glove. Then, like a play by play, “There’s the wind-up. The pitch.” In this build-up, I probably squinted some and froze; while the ball landed in my glove, and I missed the squeeze. Like anything with the momentum, it rolled up and out my glove and into my nose. BAM! Blood and tears went everywhere while I called for the one person that didn’t throw the ball, “MOM!!!”
Months passed by, and even though I had a bad experience, something fired me up to try again. I asked my dad, and he refused. Then like all kids that want something, I went to mom. She told my dad to try again, so he did, but this time with a better plan. Nothing high; we will keep it slow and low with some rolling grounders. That should be easy enough. Squat down, palm up, the ball would roll right into the glove and squeeze. Perfect! Except for that squeezing thing. I recall not squinting, and I don’t think I froze this time as he rolled the ball. I squatted down with my palm up, and the ball rolled into my glove just as planned. All I had to do next was a squeeze. Wait, do what again? Right around that moment, the ball rolled up and out of my glove, hitting my knee or shin. Honestly, I can’t remember the location, but I do remember the pain. Once again, I could only ask for the one person around that hadn’t thrown the ball for comfort, “MOM!!!”
My dad was irritated and figured since he had tried twice, there was no hope in me becoming the next MLB MVP in a World Series. We tried several other sports over a few years, and still, nothing ever stuck. I didn’t have the eye-hand or eye-foot coordination to make conventional sports work the first few times, and as always, I got defeated before the work got started. With really no direction towards improvement, no guidance, and no consistency, I just thought I wasn’t cut out to be an athlete.
Maybe the problem was something worse? My parents brought it up at our next check-up with our pediatrician. Based on the poor eye-hand coordination, they recommended something “back in the day,” called ATARI!
My dad, not wanting to interfere with his TV time, set mine up in my bedroom, which I proceeded to hardly ever leave. I spent almost every waking second in my room for an entire summer hungering, laboring, and eventually winning at the games we owned. This situation caused me to transition from counting every single one of my ribs; to a size 40 Huskey Jeans!
As time passed, I upgraded to Nintendo. These more complicated games taught me that through consistency and effort, I would get better. Except, of course, when the game would “cheat,” which tested my lack of patience and “caused” me to throw the remote control across the room.
As I became a hot-headed pre-teen, I started martial arts, which stretched my patience in so many new ways. In most martial arts schools, you would have a test roughly every month, but I felt like I was testing every class. I couldn’t touch my toes, kick high, throw an accurate strike, nor block one if my life depended on it. It was terrible, and for some reason, I kept going back for more every day!
These moments are where my success formula hardened. I learned that like using an ax to cut a tree down, attainment of new skills is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. It takes us being patient with ourselves; and also those around us. Much like cutting down the tree, if we stay consistent and keep hacking away, we will succeed, and the tree will come down.
Looking back, this was a pivotal point in my life because these lessons began crossing over with other interests and hobbies I enjoyed. With consistent patience, I understood there was an amount of time associated with success, and all I needed to do was embrace the process and stick with it. I took up playing catch with my step-father as I entered high school, and I enjoyed it. That small success got me excited to set up a tire and start practicing more, which led to learning different types of strategic pitching. I never ended up playing baseball, but I found myself getting back up on the horse that had bucked me off so many years before.
This success bled into other interests with my artwork and even DJing. I would spend my entire sleep schedule destroying my inabilities and frustrations along the way. Following what some would today call the “10,000 Hour Rule,” I just kept consistently plugging away with one guide, patience.
Patience by itself is a rock-solid value. Like the concept of discipline, we are not born with it, but the more we consistently exercise it, the better we can develop it. All we have to do is continue to step away from our norm and challenge ourselves. Being challenged is frustrating and tests our patience.
“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.” Oliver Wendell Holmes
Our ancestors understood what it took to be consistent and patient. There are no weekends on a ranch. They woke every morning at the same time and tended to their land. Through this consistency of repetitive action on both a day to day and seasonal basis, they learned patience as a farmer. What they planted in the ground did not just sprout right up. It took time and nurturing like everything else in life.
Often in martial arts, we get asked, "What is a black belt?" Definitions always vary, but one answer summarizes it up very well.
“A black belt is a white belt that never quit.”
Keep trying new things that bruise your ego. Put yourself out there and stretch your skills. Every time you mess up, take a deep breath. Relax and swim in it for the moment. Then foster and nurture that moment over and over again. Stay consistent in your efforts and patiently wait for your harvest.
“Do not rush yourself in your learning and do not expect to know what the master understands.” Musashi
#HereWeCome2021
#FightTheGoodFight
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